Forgiveness: The Hard Road to Freedom

Men, let’s cut to the chase—unforgiveness is a weight that will crush you. You can act tough, hold onto that grudge, and tell yourself it doesn’t affect you, but it does. It eats at your soul, poisons your heart, and makes you a weaker man. And if you’re leading a family, that poison spills onto them too.

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God’s Promise

“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”
— Ephesians 4:32 (ESV)

Let’s be real—forgiveness is one of the hardest things to do as a man. It feels unnatural, especially when you’ve been betrayed, disrespected, or taken advantage of. We want justice, we want payback, and we want the people who wronged us to feel what we felt. But Jesus? He calls us to something greater.

I know this firsthand.

I’ve had two major betrayals in my life. One cost me financially—a business deal that left me in ruins because someone I trusted manipulated the situation for their own gain. The other cost me personally—a wound that tore apart my family and left scars I thought would never heal. And in both cases, forgiveness was the last thing I wanted to give.

And I didn’t. Not for a long time.

I carried that anger like a badge of honor. I let it fuel me. I let it harden me. But the truth? It poisoned me.

That’s the thing about unforgiveness—it doesn’t hurt the other person. It destroys you.

I held onto that bitterness until God made me face the truth—if I refused to forgive, I wasn’t walking with Him.

The Hard Truth About Forgiveness

Men, let me be blunt: Forgiveness isn’t about them. It’s about you and God.

It doesn’t mean what they did was right. It doesn’t mean they deserve your kindness. It doesn’t even mean you let them back into your life. It means you trust God more than your own desire for revenge.

That’s what Jesus was getting at in the Lord’s Prayer:

“Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.” (Matthew 6:12, ESV)

God has already forgiven you. And if He, in His holiness, forgave you while you were deep in sin—who are you to withhold forgiveness from another man?

I’m not saying it’s easy. It’s not.

It took me years to forgive the people who wronged me. And even then, it wasn’t a one-time thing. Forgiveness is a process. Some days, I felt free. Other days, I wanted to pick that bitterness back up like a familiar old weight.

But God wouldn’t let me.

And here’s the kicker—forgiveness is an act of war.

It’s a war against your own pride. A war against the enemy who wants to keep you trapped in anger and resentment. A war against the sin that keeps you from stepping fully into the man God called you to be.

Forgiveness doesn’t make you weak. It makes you dangerous to the devil.

Men, Lead With a Forgiving Heart

As the leader of your home, your wife and kids are watching you. They’re picking up on the way you handle offenses. If you lead with bitterness, they’ll carry it too. But if you lead with the heart of Jesus—strong, firm, and full of grace—they’ll see what real strength looks like.

Jesus said:

“Behold, I am sending you out as sheep in the midst of wolves, so be wise as serpents and innocent as doves.” (Matthew 10:16, ESV)

That means you don’t forget the lessons you’ve learned. You don’t put yourself in foolish situations. But you also don’t let past wounds define you. You move forward. You lead forward.

If you’re struggling to forgive, start here:

1. Admit you need God’s help. Don’t fake it. Pray for the strength to forgive, even if you’re not there yet.
2. Find another man to talk to. Not to vent—but to seek wisdom. Talk to a brother in Christ, a mentor, a pastor. Let iron sharpen iron.
3. Decide to release it. You don’t have to “feel” forgiveness before you choose it. It’s a decision. A battle you win one day at a time.

And remember—your sword isn’t just for battle against others. Sometimes, you need to pick it up to fight for yourself. Fight against your own pride. Fight against the enemy who wants to keep you bound in anger. Fight for the freedom that only comes when you let go and trust God.

Shepherding in Action: The Strength of a Forgiving Heart

A man who forgives leads with the strength of Christ, not the weakness of resentment. He leads his family with wisdom, not bitterness, because he knows that a house built on unforgiveness will crumble—but a house built on grace will stand strong.

Three Reflection Questions for You

1. What past offense or betrayal are you still holding onto? Have you truly released it to God?
2. How does your unforgiveness affect your leadership at home? Are your wife and kids seeing a bitter man or a freed man?
3. What step can you take today to start the process of forgiveness?

Bible References (ESV)

• Ephesians 4:32 – “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”
• Matthew 6:12 – “Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.”
• Matthew 10:16 – “Behold, I am sending you out as sheep in the midst of wolves, so be wise as serpents and innocent as doves.”

A Short Prayer for the Man of the Shepherd

Father, You forgave me before I even knew I needed forgiveness. Give me the strength to do the same for others. Help me release the bitterness, let go of the pain, and lead my family with the heart of Christ. Make me a man who walks in freedom, not in chains. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

My Personal Journey & Engagement Call

These reflections come straight from my walk with God. I know the battle of forgiveness because I’ve fought it—and some days, I still do. But freedom is worth the fight.

If this message spoke to you, share it. Pass it on to another man who needs it. Let’s build strong, Christ-centered homes together.

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